|| home || biography || contact || photos || references || pastoral services ||
|| quotes || psychotherapy || weddings & commitment ceremonies ||

Elizabeth Frumin
P.O. Box 68
Narberth, PA 19072

Suggestions for writing vows

Often engaged couples are presented with many options for their wedding ceremony and the vows they share with one another. Writing one's own vows can be overwhelming and at times, intimidating.

Here are some pointers what may be helpful for you in personalizing you marriage vows.

Vows represent the core of your relationship, the foundation of your word, promises and values upon which the marriage rests. These days, it's easy to establish legal qualifications and boundaries about the sharing of lives. A marriage vow, solemnized before a community, is a covenant of hearts and lives. You have placed your integrity on the line by making a promise. It is not something to be done lightly.

Your vows can be statements of personal affirmation and promise, or can be statements that are jointly made. You can focus on the intentions that you'd like to uphold in your marriage. Couples can bring forth through their vows, the experience of love, connection and family. they wish to create. Vows that reflect partnership and vision are often helpful. People, by nature, make mistakes. So vows serve as a direction; like a light house directing boats to safer waters.

You can use this orientation as a springboard for formulating your vows.

Look for the intentions and values that are important to you both in your marriage. Clarify what you are to each other – companion, confidant, friend, lover, support.

Vows are designed and worded in a number of ways. More importantly, determine what you want to give to support the unfolding of your marriage. And finally identify when you will offer these things – for example, as we grow and change, as long as we both shall love, forever, to our utmost length of days etc.…

There are many samples of vows on the internet accessible, so you can see what others have done with their vows. You can review these and get a sense of how to put together your own vows: Feel free to incorporate any of the statements others have used. The way many couples work with their vows is to both review the samples, either together or separately and circle phrases that speak to you. You then can compare notes, if you intend to do mutual vows. You can just use the ideas that resonate with you as a springboard to clarify the personal statements you wish to share with each other.

Most significantly, have the vows be true to you physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. When you say them out load, it is wise to have them sit well in your gut, that they have integrity and authenticity for you. Have them be both real and grounded in your heart, so that then you say them you know to what you are committing. Keep them directional in such a way, as a guide post for your relationship. Vows can redirect and point a way to what works for you, not something that restricts your growth as individuals and as a couple. In this integrity, you both can continue to grow, learn and evolve as a couple and family in the days and years to come.

And enjoy! When you share your vows you can tell you are on track when you experience your heart opening, a goodness of spirit comes present and a gratitude emerges for what your union offers. Congratulations, you are loving and getting married!


This article is written by Elizabeth Frumin - Weddings With Heart. Dr. Rev. Elizabeth Frumin has worked as a therapist and minister for over 25 years in the greater Philadelphia area, providing counseling, spiritual and wedding support and pastoral services for individuals, couples and groups. For more information, can contact Dr. Frumin by phone at 610-667-8353 or by e-mail at weddingswithheart@comcast.net.